Why podcasts are better than people

Sometimes, when you remember travelling from some place to another, the podcast you were listening to becomes incorporated into your memory, giving the landscapes a taste, a feeling, a language. For the introverts among us, the ability to socialise is a button we must switch on. By listening to a podcast, with our headphones in, we are sending the world a message: I am here, but I just want to be alone. Podcasts are for the curious, the world’s natural listeners. They are for the people who want company but don’t really want company at all.

Here’s why podcasts are, almost always, better than people:

• You can have a funny, interesting, insightful conversation without having to contribute a thing.

• You can’t skip a person forward 15 seconds if they are boring, or back 15 seconds if they something funny or interesting

• If a person annoys you, you cannot (legally) turn them off.

• Podcasts are free. People, I have discovered, cost a great deal of money (birthday presents, the occasional round of drinks, transport, cooked dinners, bribery).

• Podcasts are edited, with the bad bits cut out and jazzy 'musak' brought in

• Our addiction to podcasts taps into an innately human need for an ongoing story, like a Victorian serial publication

• Podcasts are a private, secret treat: no one knows what you're listening to, so it can be as embarrassing as you like

• Friends basically never give you amazing discount codes for Hello Fresh, Square Space, Casper Mattresses, The Economist and MailChimp.

• Podcasts feed your true crime obsession without judgement

• You get a voyeuristic insight into the conversations people have who you actually like

• We can curate the exact podcast for the exact mood and time

• Podcast make life’s most bleak, boring moments quite exciting: we can learn about the explosion of stars on the 319 on a rainy February evening or the intricacies of the Lewinsky affair while we tidy our room

• Podcasts give you everything you need (companionship, wit, excellent banter, a handy opinion on world affairs, good anecdotes, factoids for years) but don’t ask for a single thing in return.

Here a few of Ditzy’s favourite podcasts featuring two-women teams:

• Call Your Girlfriend

• Nobody Panic

• The High Low

• My Favourite Murder

• Invisibilia

• 2 Dope Queens

• Dear Joan & Jericha

Written by Matilda Curtis

Illustrated by Josh King