• Ditzy

Types of Boys on Dating Apps

Updated: Feb 18, 2019



The Vagabond

Has a personal philosophy

Looking for someone who really knows their music

Has guitar, knows less than three chords

Thinks “travelling” is more profound than going on holiday for ages

Has thicker and longer hair than you

Closes his eyes to convey intense emotion

Annoyingly good body

Thinks you’re more beautiful than Jakarta in the spring






The Baller

Has a Sunday routine

Passionate about brunch and techno

Can't remember the last time he was truly sober

Pays for everything

Obsessed with London food trends

Goes to Soho House to feel creative

Posts on Instagram about 'chasing your dreams'

Works in financial management

Has never seen the inside of his own flat

His gym membership is more than your rent

Gets misty-eyed about packing it all in at 40 and writing a novel



The Abstract Notion

You have no idea what he looks like because all his photos are memes

Could be any age between 20 and 40

You think you’ve got a handle on who he is/his job/where he lives but then he says something that totally throws you for a loop

You talk to him more than your closest friends but never seem to meet up

Actually very witty

Exists outside of time and space

Has 0% interest in sleeping with you

Replies within 0.2 seconds




The Misanthrope

Hates dating apps

Spends seven hours a week on dating apps

Looks world weary and forlorn in all his photos

Quotes Nietzsche when it's not relevant

Likes to say ‘is it?’ or ‘DOES it though?’ when you make any statement

Talks vaguely about the apocalypse we’re living through

Self defines as ‘not like other boys’

Ardent feminist

Never lets you talk

Thinks the Kardashians are worse than Hitler





The “New To London”

Really excited to explore the city!

Just looking to make some new friends :)

Very excited about red post boxes and The London Eye

Very Enthusiastic About Everything

Says things like ‘we must go out in Soho!’

Never ✊met ✋an ✌Emoji 👧he👻doesn’t 👹like

Utterly devoid of anxiety: he’ll be in Berlin by Tuesday




The “Nice Guy”™

A bit older than you specified but slipped through the net

Tells you he's not like those creepy dating app men

Not interested in looks, wants someone ‘genuine’

Desires nudes

Sends you eight messages for every one reply

Will pipe up at 3AM six months from now with a real tearjerker: he “thought you were different”





Written by Matilda Curtis

Illustrated by India Boxall

Cover illustration by Christopher Bragg

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