top of page
  • Writer's pictureDitzy

Top 5 Fuckboys in Literature


  • Leaves you on ‘read’ for weeks then sends you a ‘u up’ text at 11pm on a Sunday

  • Says he’s ‘bad news’

  • Hints at a dark past, never elaborates

  • Likes to look wistfully into the middle distance

  • All his Tinder photos are grainy landscapes, taken from far away

  • Always rocks up when things are going well

  • Claims his favourite weather is torrential rain

  • Fancies his sister

  • Unplaceable regional accent

  • Always banging on about the moors

  • A real drag on a night out

Mr Darcy

  • Takes his Spotify playlists very seriously

  • No banter

  • Insults you to get your attention

  • Accountant by day, DJ by night

  • Loves to give back-handed compliments

  • Says he wants marriage

  • Ghosts you

Mr Rochester

  • Goes on about his crazy ex-girlfriend on the first date

  • Well old, like 32

  • Buys all the drinks

  • Questionable dental hygiene

  • Moody

  • Likes to ‘tease you’ while actually just being passive aggressive

  • Gets confused when you send him memes

Sherlock Holmes

  • Has a bachelor pad in convenient central location

  • Obsessed with fan theories on Reddit

  • Uses full stops in Facebook messages.

  • Is mysterious about what he does for a living

  • Doesn’t ask you about yourself

  • Corrects your grammar

  • Mansplains film plots

  • Weird relationship with his assistant

  • Never has a girlfriend, says he’s ‘waiting for the one’

  • Almost definitely gay

Prince Charming

  • Has a more elaborate skincare regime than you

  • Gets hit on by more guys than you

  • Sends you random videos of himself playing the guitar without context

  • Goes to Mahiki

  • Went to school with Prince Harry

  • Skis

  • Does Pilates, won’t shut up about it

  • Has never been further North than Oxford

  • Is cagey about whether he voted Brexit

  • Thinks your mum would love him and he’s right

  • Has 6 photos on Tinder, is wearing a shirt in 1

  • Says you’re the only one for him

  • Dating 5-8 other girls

Written and illustrated by Matilda Curtis

415 views1 comment

1 Comment

Colin Dixon
Colin Dixon
Jan 09, 2022

Gawd, I'm nearly all of everyone!

bottom of page