Heathcliff
Leaves you on ‘read’ for weeks then sends you a ‘u up’ text at 11pm on a Sunday
Says he’s ‘bad news’
Hints at a dark past, never elaborates
Likes to look wistfully into the middle distance
All his Tinder photos are grainy landscapes, taken from far away
Always rocks up when things are going well
Claims his favourite weather is torrential rain
Fancies his sister
Unplaceable regional accent
Always banging on about the moors
A real drag on a night out
Mr Darcy
Takes his Spotify playlists very seriously
No banter
Insults you to get your attention
Accountant by day, DJ by night
Loves to give back-handed compliments
Says he wants marriage
Ghosts you
Mr Rochester
Goes on about his crazy ex-girlfriend on the first date
Well old, like 32
Buys all the drinks
Questionable dental hygiene
Moody
Likes to ‘tease you’ while actually just being passive aggressive
Gets confused when you send him memes
Sherlock Holmes
Has a bachelor pad in convenient central location
Obsessed with fan theories on Reddit
Uses full stops in Facebook messages.
Is mysterious about what he does for a living
Doesn’t ask you about yourself
Corrects your grammar
Mansplains film plots
Weird relationship with his assistant
Never has a girlfriend, says he’s ‘waiting for the one’
Almost definitely gay
Prince Charming
Has a more elaborate skincare regime than you
Gets hit on by more guys than you
Sends you random videos of himself playing the guitar without context
Goes to Mahiki
Went to school with Prince Harry
Skis
Does Pilates, won’t shut up about it
Has never been further North than Oxford
Is cagey about whether he voted Brexit
Thinks your mum would love him and he’s right
Has 6 photos on Tinder, is wearing a shirt in 1
Says you’re the only one for him
Dating 5-8 other girls
Written and illustrated by Matilda Curtis