• Ditzy

The 5 Types of Drunk



1) The Grim-Weeper

Favourite drink: 3 quarts gin, 1 quart tonic

Signature look: mascara on an epic southerly migration towards chin

Catch-phrase:"he was the ONE!!!"


2) The Crashing Bore

Favourite drink: burgundy

Signature look: red wine lips and gouty glow

Catch-phrase:"only a conservative government can provide the strong economic leadership this country needs"


3) The Smug Moderate

Favourite drink: white wine spritzer

Signature look: high-maintenance red lip and perky up-do

Catch-phrase: “i’m ok thanks!”


4) The Throwback Thursday

Favourite drink: jaeger bombs

Signature look: scrunchie and malboro lights

Catch-phrase: “why don’t we ever hang out anymore??”


5) The Ghost Ship

Favourite drink: "anything bro"

Signature look: lights on but nobody’s home

Catch-phrase: [untranslatable]


Written and illustrated by Jess Bird

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Cover illustration by Christopher Bragg

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UK