A Year In Failed Boys
Thanks for the memories 2017 - here’s to many more romantic misadventures. Love from the Ditzy team x
Said I "wasn't like other girls"
Had opinions about my Instagram account
Definitely gave the most wedgies at school
Thought he was progressing the feminist movement by ‘letting’ me pay
Kisses his mother on the lips
Had more vaseline than needed for 'occasional’ chafing
Still wants to be a rapper
Thought the elbow was an erogenous zone
Had the bad kind of man jewellery
Has dead shark eyes
Had a sex fantasy that involved just doing an hour of weights
Morning breath like hot mothballs
Took too many baths
Looked like he would get mugged by squirrels
Would have been no use in a zombie apocalypse
Got upset when the dress he was wearing for halloween was "really unflattering"
French plaited my hair REALLY well
Didn’t think girls liked Nando's
Liked Mars bars
Used the monkey emoji
Did not respect the 6 month fart threshold
Said "I just can’t see how David Gandy is fit"
Didn’t have a Sports Direct mug
'Preferred' girls without make-up
Equated extreme emotional dysfunction with 'mystery'
Ate low fat humous
Had tiny, neat, murdery handwriting
Had long fingernails
Had ketchup with Christmas lunch
Unironically deployed the phrase "dozy mare"
Unironically deployed the phrase "coolio foolio"
Carried his yoga mat everywhere he went
Tried to claim ownership of MY local pub
Owned a start up selling cookies and thought he worked really hard
Pointed out that I had large pores on my nose
Really wanted girls to ask him to put up a shelf but couldn’t actually put up a shelf
Said I “actually had good music taste”
Only wanted to see the female volleyball finals during the London 2012 Olympics
Insisted that fame ‘ruined’ the Foals
Wore his sister’s old My Little Pony t-shirt over his tiny Indie body
Thought he was the only one could interpret the woke undercurrents in ‘Master of None’
Really fancied his sister
Only ate standing up
Desperately wanted to be ‘sexually confused’
Only had good-looking female friends
Still thought things were ‘lame’ or ‘cool’
Thought pubic hair was ‘vintage’.
Over-identified with the protagonist in American Psycho
Written by Ditzy and friends
Illustrated by Jess Bird