To say me and my phone have a complicated relationship is the understatement of the century. It is a relationship built on the solid marital pillars of churning resentment, deep insecurity and feverish, needy love.

The highs are high and boy are the lows low. If this behavior was relayed to a friend they'd be shaking me by the shoulders and saying “Mirium, pack your bags, take the kids and get the f**k out of there.”

There’s no sugar-coating it - I am being bullied by a microchip. What a time to be alive.

Five ways my tech is low-level bullying me

New Podcasts Available

You have 48 Freakonomics podcasts to listen to you absolute piece-o-shit

Storage Nearly Full

I am going to make you delete all your photos of your precious memories and loved ones to ensure there is enough memory to update the stocks app

This Poisoned Chalice from 02

You may get abducted on your way home without CityMapper or Uber but hey - Ed!!

5 friends are going to an event near you

*without you

Read - 11.02 am

Welcome to purgatory bitch. You’re in the waiting room of love.

Written and illustrated by Jess Bird