Mindfulness

Whilst the 'Snow White' brand of Mindfulness (smelling flowers/taking pleasure in life's small drudgeries) is appealing, I'm more in the market for the 'harassed millennial' package (where the f**k is my charger/are you 'mindful' of the fact that you're 45 minutes late?!)

69

The age-old 'wait your turn' arrangement has been the established order since the dawn of civilization - any deviations have historically led to revolution/mass murders.

Contouring

I can barely be arsed to paint my face all one colour, let alone sculpt a new chin/nose/set of cheekbones for myself.

Single serving packets of crisps

This will satiate only children or imbeciles.

Maintaining my online brand

Just as soon as I iron out all the kinks in my offline brand...

Written and illustrated by Jess Bird