• Ditzy

5 Things I Can't Be Arsed With

Updated: May 7, 2018


Mindfulness

Whilst the 'Snow White' brand of Mindfulness (smelling flowers/taking pleasure in life's small drudgeries) is appealing, I'm more in the market for the 'harassed millennial' package (where the f**k is my charger/are you 'mindful' of the fact that you're 45 minutes late?!)


69

The age-old 'wait your turn' arrangement has been the established order since the dawn of civilization - any deviations have historically led to revolution/mass murders.


Contouring

I can barely be arsed to paint my face all one colour, let alone sculpt a new chin/nose/set of cheekbones for myself.


Single serving packets of crisps

This will satiate only children or imbeciles.


Maintaining my online brand

Just as soon as I iron out all the kinks in my offline brand...



Written and illustrated by Jess Bird

Cover illustration by Christopher Bragg

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UK