5 Things I Can't Be Arsed With
Updated: May 7, 2018
Whilst the 'Snow White' brand of Mindfulness (smelling flowers/taking pleasure in life's small drudgeries) is appealing, I'm more in the market for the 'harassed millennial' package (where the f**k is my charger/are you 'mindful' of the fact that you're 45 minutes late?!)
The age-old 'wait your turn' arrangement has been the established order since the dawn of civilization - any deviations have historically led to revolution/mass murders.
I can barely be arsed to paint my face all one colour, let alone sculpt a new chin/nose/set of cheekbones for myself.
Single serving packets of crisps
This will satiate only children or imbeciles.
Maintaining my online brand
Just as soon as I iron out all the kinks in my offline brand...
Written and illustrated by Jess Bird