• Ditzy

10 Signs We're Too Old for this Shit



1. Doing drugs leads to a 17 day comedown, 3 days off work, an existential crisis, quarterlife crisis, midlife crisis and the next 10 weekends in bed drinking Heinz tomato soup and calling your mum


2. You need a special ergonomic chair at work


3. You discuss ‘things’ you have read and ‘goings on’ in the world, not just goss


4. You realise that more and more people are - in fact - twats. Nearly everyone is a twat, apart from your mates, who are the best mates. You only want to hang out with them. In someone’s nice kitchen. With music that isn’t too loud.


5. You don’t want to meet any new people ever. New people are cancelled.


6. You have to go home to double check you haven’t left electrical items on


7. You can get yourself dressed, showered, coffee-ed and somewhere by 11am on a Saturday


8. You remember to drink water when you get home from a night out


9. All things bedding-related have become of the utmost importance. You are no longer ok with sleeping on a rock-hard futon under an empty dominoes box like you were in the good old days


10. Your biggest fear is getting less than 7 hours sleep on a Sunday night


Written and illustrated by Jess Bird

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Cover illustration by Christopher Bragg

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UK